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I made her wear sunglasses for the first time. She didnt seem to care either way :)

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She looks goofy to me because the sun is shining on her head and she looks bald in the front haha. Aw, I love her ah!

I get to spend Sunday-Wednesday with Nick and Tessabean. Sounds good to me!


Im terrible. Its been like 2 weeks! Anyway, Tessa started smiling at 6 weeks!!! She was trying to here and there but I couldnt tell if it was gas or not but then after 2 days of noticing that...she started to REALLY smile. Its hysterical. She looks at me when I talk to her or just stare at her and then shell crack up into a smile and coo. Oh man, I love her..she is so funny.
Tracy (my younger sister) had Tessa on her chest, lying on her belly and she literally climbed up to under my sisters chin. Shes so strong.
Shell be 7 weeks on Friday now. Cant believe it. Time really goes by so so fast.

Dont anyone beat me up but I breastfed her for 4 weeks and then gave in to the formula. Mainly because even though I was pumping (which did help SOMEWHAT at night, to just give her the bottle real quick), because I am doing everything by myself without Nick (and my sister and mom dont help at all, which I dont expect them to obviously) I was so physically drained from the BFing, let alone mentally drained, that I gave in to the formula. I feel slightly guilty but Im not going to dwell on it. She is a healthy and happy baby and is doing just fine with the bottles and formula :)

Hm, what else what else? Easter is coming up in a couple of weeks. Nicks supposed to try to take off of work so he can spend it with us at my house. Then my sisters birthday is the 14th. I got her Twilight since were a little obsessed with it in this house :P We all read the 4 books and really enjoyed them (which at the time I was like what the hell is everyone carrying on about this Twilight shit haha).

Im trying to work 2 days a week at a tanning salon I used to work at a long time ago - before I move down with Nick again in early June. The salon isnt a chain, its owned solely by this woman named Christina who Ive kept in contact with (shes 36 but acts like shes 20 ha) and shes trying to work something out with me since she knows Ill only be able to work for about 2.5-3 months. We'll see what happens with that.

My moms going away next week with her 3 friends so itll be nice to have the house to myself with my sister. My mom is such a pain in the ass, oh god. Nick will probably stay over a couple of nights if he can fit it in between work and school.

Oh yeh, I got my period today! My body is seriously so calculated. Before I got pregnant I got my period every month on either the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd of the month. And look at that...today is April 1st. Right on schedule! Sooo I started Ortho Cyclen today.

Okay, I think thats it. Im pretty boring :) Hope everyone is doing well. Im going to skim through all your journals now bc Im a bad LJ friend!


I have been MIA due to the fact that I have been back and forth with the baby to see Nick (we meet at his mothers house which is 5 minutes away from my moms house)...and of course for him to get time with Tessa. Since she was born a little over a month ago, he has been coming up every weekend to see her and me. Hes been so good to the both of us. Better than I could have ever imagined. Im no longer crossing my fingers for it to stick - my gut knows it will BUT I am still not making any major decisions...yet. This is going to sound silly but I just want him to propose to me already. Not tomorrow...or even next month but sometime within the next 4-6 months. I dont know, I just feel like its time. I only have good feelings about him and me and the baby; our family :) Its looking like he really did a 360 and cares more about the baby and me than he does himself (FINALLY!) -- hes given me his entire tax return to hang on to if I need anything for either her or myself. Hes driving back and forth without any complaints, even sometimes after work on Sundays to see us twice in one week (like he did last night). I have to admit that its taking a toll on me though. Seeing him only once or twice a week and seeing how good he is with her and how much he can help sets me back a little on the sanity part the next day after he leaves you know? Its like a tease. Its wonderful when we sleep over his mothers and he gets up with her in the middle of the night and I can sleep. Or when he coddles her for an hour when shes being fussy in the middle of the night for and I dont have to after doing everything by myself 90% of the time. It sucks because even though he doesnt really understand how tiring it is because hes not with her every day and every night, he WANTS to experience it..and he cant yet, because I dont know when I want to move back down there with him. Its not really about him to be honest, its more about the area. I dont like it, its not the greatest. Hes getting a bigger apartment in May when his lease is up and I am so tempted to go down there that month and move back in. I talked to my mom, who is day by day realizing that Nick is a good guy and doing anything and everything he can for me and Tess, and she said that she will understand when I go back and will not hold any grudges (I wanted her to understand that everything she has done for me in the past 3-4 months has been appreciated greatly) but that there is no rush for me to go back down there with him (which I know). Tessa loves him so much, its funny how babies just KNOW who is who you know? I think because hes the only male voice who is ever around her she can decipher that its someone special and also his touch must be different because when shes crying, he can just pick her up and she automatically stops :)
I just want to go back as soon as I feel I really can........and thats in May. I dont know. Im the only person who can decide what is best for my daughter and me - and right now all I know is that the 3 of us together is the right thing. Guess well see what happens.

I wasnt intending on babbling that much haha and that huge paragraph is all over the place...

ANYWAY, how is everyone else doing? I hope well :)
Im sucking at this whole LJ thing now that the babe is here ha!


2 of baby and 1 of me (my hair is semi-blonde [again], i left the underneath real dark).

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I think I look like 2 different people when my hair is brown and when its blonde?
Im stuck at a plateau since I lost the 30 lbs. I still have 15-20 to lose -shrug-


Tessa's yucky stubby cord fell out in the middle of the night last night! Because Im gross and like to do things to get a rise out of people, I really am thinking about wrapping it up in a pretty little box and giving it to Nick on his birthday haha. I mean, not just that of course, but just to see how hed react to that LOL. I know, Im a weirdo.

Shes fussing...probably wants the boob (even though she got it an hour and 45 minutes ago)!

Okay bye!


I need help with something!
Nicks birthday is March 7th and I plan on seeing him on the 8th (he works on his bday) and was going to get him a cake that says Happy Birthday Daddy. I am really limited on money here and would like to get/make something meaningful from Tessa and myself. Anyone have a few good ideas that I can choose from? I thought about making him an album but all my pictures are on my digital camera and Im not sure if I really want to spend money on glossy paper and use lots of ink? Also, I dont know, I feel like thats too easy/plain. So help please :) TIA


Nick ended up coming up here yesterday like he said he would. He was being so goofy and giddy bc he was so friggin excited to see the both of us. I like him when hes like that, it makes me smile (Im so gay, I know). We spent alllll day together and his mother wasnt SO overbearing like she usually is haha. He is so good with the baby and it makes me sad that he cant spend everyday with her like I can. Hopefully that will change in the future - IF he continues to act like he is now and continues to make changes and efforts in order to become what we BOTH need. Honestly, Im really proud of him right now.
Oh and actually, I decided that I do want to try to work it out -- but slowly, so we are officially back together but nothing too major is going to occur anytime soon. I did let him know if whats been going on for the past week doesnt stick, were done and theres no second chances. He keeps reassuring me nothing is going to go back to the way it was and that hes not trying to rush anything in terms of moving back in with each other because he knows we are still fixing things within ourselves. Were on the same page, which is always good ;)

Tess is sleeping in her little pretty girly swing, right behind me :) I should take a picture. Shes so tiny she looks lost in it haha.

Hope everyone is well!


Sooo by day 5 after Tess was born, I weighed myself out of curiousity and lost 20 lbs :) Now I have 30 more to go haha... I dont care much because my stomach is literally already almost flat. I feel good!

Tessa is one week old today! Shes lying on her boppy next to me on the couch. Shes a pretty easy baby (lets see how long that lasts). Im never lonely you know?
Everyone on Nicks side of the family keeps calling me and asking how her and I are doing. Its funny bc...Im pretty sure they like me more than Nick :X
Oh yeh, hes coming up on Saturday to see her -- well hes supposed to let me know if he has work or not. Lets see what happens.

PS: CONGRATS TEFF! -- she had her baby early this morning! So so cute her little Demos is :)

EDIT: I lied, its 25 lbs! :D


This picture cracks me up :)

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Oh and get this...Nick is up my ass and around the corner. Telling me hes going to do this and going to do that and how he wants to marry me and he always has and yada yada yada. Obviously it has to do with the baby but its so weird. He is like....a different person. She popped out and he literally did a 360 right before my eyes. BUT that means nothing since she was just born and everything is still so so new...lets see if it sticks. Honestly, I dont care about ANYTHING else but Tessa. It feels good :) Sigh, I love her so much.

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April 2009


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